Fighting with your insecurities and winning.

In my lifetime, I have had several different hairstyles and hair colours. Every single hairstyle brought out different levels of confidence. Some styles I loved and made me feel super confident; others didn’t turn out how I expected and made me feel insecure. Hair, for me and for a lot of people, is a big part of self-expression and culture.

When we have changes in our appearance, we could either love it or hate it, and that’s where the risks come in. Some things suit us more than others, and that’s okay. We should remain confident enough to explore our options, no matter the outcome.

What’s not okay is letting our observations and opinions turn into insecurities. When my expectations weren’t met with specific hairstyles, I’d usually try to alter them or add accessories to make me feel more comfortable. 

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing activities, wearing certain outfits, or having your hair a specific way because of insecurities? 

I certainly have; the most recent example I can think of is with my locs.

I have my hair loc’d and had it loc’d two years ago. I asked the loctician to start my locs medium size, but she started them thick. I only started noticing that she made them think once they had loc’d and gotten longer. Loc’ing your hair is a process; your hair will continuously change in shape, size, volume, appearance, and length. 

The thickness of my locs meant that my hair lacked volume, which was different for me. I was insecure about how my hair looked and got into the habit of wearing my hair back.

My edges started thinning out because I tied my hair back too tight and too often. I could see my edges were thinning out, and I needed to start putting my hair down, but my insecurities wouldn’t let me. It was at that moment that I realised I was feeding into this insecurity and making it bigger than it needed to be. 

With insecurities, if you identify them and choose to cater to them, they will increasingly become this big problem, causing you to be more insecure. 

The same outcome applies when you identify insecurities and choose to ignore them. They will increasingly become these big, unresolved insecurities. 

Having insecurities doesn’t mean that you are an insecure person. Confident people still have insecurities; we all have them, and it’s perfectly normal. It is how you deal with your insecurities that really matters. 

I like to start by tackling the root of the insecurity and exploring why I feel a certain way; this can provide clarity and answers. After getting to the root of the insecurity, I can put healthy practices in place that help prevent the root of the insecurity from negatively affecting me. 

Going back to my example of wearing my hair down, the root of that insecurity was expectations vs. reality. I expected my locs to be medium-sized, not thick; how my hair was supposed to look did not match up to reality. 

 Secondly, habit I have always had my hair full of volume, and for once it wasn’t.

At this point, I had two options: cut my locs and start them again, or tackle this insecurity and embrace them. I chose to embrace them since I liked my locs in all styles, but down.

I have started wearing my hair down because I refuse to feed into that small insecurity and feed it until it gets bigger. I am who I am; no matter how I have my hair, it doesn’t even matter. 

I’ll be wearing my hair down for the foreseeable future and giving myself daily affirmations while doing it. 

Gentle reminder: Don’t let the little things materialise and affect your confidence. Find the root of the insecurity, put a healthy practice in place to encourage the growth of your confidence in that area, and tackle it head-on.

Ignoring the insecurity will not make it go away, and worrying about it won’t make it disappear. That’s work that you need to do, so let’s get to work. Let’s do this together, starting by loving yourself one day at a time. Today I challenge you to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What can I do for you?”.

It might take a while to give yourself an answer, but eventually, you will have one. 

Peace and love

Chidochashe 🌹