Let it go: the transformative power of forgiveness.

As we navigate through life, we quickly learn that hurt is inevitable. People will offend us, intentionally or unintentionally, and we too will offend others. Causing hurt and being hurt are monumental aspects of the human experience that we cannot escape. However, how we respond to these moments of pain and conflict ultimately shapes who we are as individuals.

When You’ve Been Offended

Let’s start from the perspective of being offended. The offense has happened, and now you face a choice. You can either:

1. Independently make peace with the situation, forgive the person, and move on.

2. Have a conversation in which you express yourself honestly and vulnerably, explaining how you feel and what you need moving forward.

Approaching Choice one

Choosing to independently make peace with a situation and move on is a powerful act of self-liberation. This path often requires deep reflection and emotional resilience, as it involves forgiving the person without necessarily confronting them or seeking acknowledgment of the offense. This approach is particularly valuable in situations where the offender is unwilling to take responsibility, where confrontation could lead to further harm, or when the relationship is no longer active.

Forgiving and moving on doesn’t mean condoning the behavior or pretending it didn’t happen—it means choosing to release the hold that anger, resentment, or bitterness may have on your heart and mind. Studies have shown that holding onto anger and grudges can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health. For example, the Stanford Forgiveness Project, led by Dr. Fred Luskin, demonstrated that individuals who actively practiced forgiveness experienced significant reductions in stress levels, lower blood pressure, and greater overall happiness. Another study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that forgiveness is linked to lower risks of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, emphasizing how letting go of resentment can improve both emotional and physical health.

Moving on may involve personal practices like journaling your thoughts, meditating on forgiveness, or praying for the strength to let go of pain. Dr. Robert Enright, a leading forgiveness researcher, emphasizes the importance of cognitive reframing—choosing to see the offender as a flawed human being rather than focusing solely on the hurt they caused. This shift in perspective can help individuals find emotional freedom.

By taking this route, you prioritize your own mental and emotional health, choosing to let go of the past and embrace a future unburdened by the pain of the offense.

Approaching Choice Two

If you choose to address the issue through a conversation, it’s crucial to approach it without pride or ego. Pride can turn a constructive discussion into a confrontation, and no one likes feeling accused. When people feel accused, their automatic response is to become defensive, which can derail the opportunity for reconciliation.

To avoid this, take time to process your emotions before speaking. Think carefully about how you frame your thoughts. Using phrases like “I feel” rather than “You did” can help keep the conversation be open and constructive.

The Act of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a profound and often misunderstood concept. It’s not about excusing harmful behavior or pretending it didn’t happen; it’s about releasing yourself from the burden of resentment. Holding onto anger or bitterness only harms you, not the person who hurt you.

Scientific Benefits of Forgiveness

Studies confirm that forgiveness can have remarkable benefits for our mental and physical health. The Stanford Forgiveness Project found that forgiveness reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Additionally, a study published in Psychology and Health reveals that forgiveness is linked to improved immune function and reduced risks of heart disease.

Forgiveness can also lead to healthier relationships. By letting go of grudges, we create space for understanding, empathy, and growth in our connections with others.

Biblical truths on Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a central theme in the Bible and is essential to the Christian faith. Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This passage underscores the reciprocal nature of forgiveness—it is both a divine gift and a responsibility.

The parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35) further illustrates this principle. After being forgiven a massive debt, the servant refuses to forgive someone who owes him far less. His lack of mercy results in severe consequences, reminding us that forgiveness is not optional but a moral imperative.

Even more striking are Jesus’s words on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). In His moment of greatest suffering, Christ demonstrates the ultimate act of forgiveness, offering us a powerful example to follow.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood as synonymous with reconciliation or the restoration of relationships, but this is not always the case. While forgiveness involves releasing resentment and choosing not to hold a grudge, it does not necessarily require re-entering a relationship with the person who caused harm. In some cases, particularly when there has been abuse, betrayal, or repeated harm, reconciliation may not be safe or wise.

Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of anger and bitterness, not about excusing the behavior or enabling it to continue. Healthy boundaries are essential, and forgiveness can coexist with a decision to distance yourself from a toxic or harmful relationship.

By forgiving, you take control of your own healing without placing the responsibility for your peace on the offender. This perspective allows forgiveness to be an empowering act of self-care, even in situations where reconciliation is neither possible nor appropriate.

The Christmas Season

Christmas is a time of love, hope, and renewal—a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, who came to bring peace and forgiveness to the world. The season invites us to reflect on the forgiveness we’ve received through Christ’s sacrifice and to extend that same grace to others.

Forgiveness during Christmas carries special significance. It allows us to repair broken relationships, restore peace in our hearts, and truly embrace the spirit of the season. As we gather with loved ones and celebrate the gift of Christ, let us remember that forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can give—both to others and to ourselves.

The journey of forgiveness is not always easy, but it is transformative. Scientifically and spiritually, forgiveness offers freedom, healing, and peace. The Christmas season, centered on Christ’s ultimate act of forgiveness, serves as a powerful reminder to let go of resentment and embrace grace.

By forgiving, we honor the true spirit of Christmas—bringing light into the darkness, healing into the brokenness, and love into the world.

Happy Holidays

Peace & Love

Chidochashe

Bibliography

• Luskin, Fred. Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness. HarperOne, 2002.

• Toussaint, Loren, and Worthington, Everett. “Forgiveness, Health, and Well-Being: A Review of Evidence for Emotional Versus Decisional Forgiveness.” Psychology and Health, 2017.

• The Holy Bible, New International Version. Biblica, Inc.

• Stanford Forgiveness Project. “Research on Forgiveness and Health.” Stanford University, 2000.